The Funeral Service
When a loved one dies, it is always a terribly difficult and sad time. One when, not only are you experiencing the physical pain of grief, you have to make many sensitive decisions at a time when you are sick with loss. Really difficult decisions have to be made. What is wanted by the family or indeed the loved one, a burial or cremation? Which funeral director should we use? Who should conduct the ceremony? Should be it be traditional or unique? Religious or civil? Solemn or a celebration - or both?
This all boils down to one thing really; what kind of funeral do you really want as a family? Everyone is different and these differences can be hard to put into words. Your decisions may be influenced by your religious views and beliefs; the wishes of the deceased or something as practical as costs.
Funeral arrangments can cause family disagreements and the quieter members of the family may well sideline their own wants, wishes and needs to accommodate the more dominant family members to avoid confrontation or disagreement. Please ensure everyone is given the opportunity to choose a hymn, reading, poem or whatever will give them a voice, and indeed, some peace. Family disagreements are not common but can happen; and if someone feels 'unheard' at this stage their personal healing can be delayed. Ensuring every relevant person has (even a small) input to the service for their loved one can avoid a lifetime of resentment and regret. To say 'no' to the question of taking a reading, is better than not even being asked.
Releasing a dove is a beautiful, symbolic gesture of peace not just for the person who has died but for the family left here on earth, to help pick up the pieces of their lives. Some people find having a Scottish piper not just emotionally moving but also a symbol of great dignity and respect.
I do not think anyone needs to have Scottish heritage to find a piper a wonderful and spiritual way of walking in to the chapel or church for the last time in the company of your loved one.
Pictured above; Pipe Major, Trevor Sharp
Contact: 01702 585616 or 01702 588316
Some people choose to cover their loved ones completely with earth after the committal has taken place. This is called 'back fill' - but needs time, coordination and planning, not just for the Funeral Directors, the minister and the cemetery staff also must be informed for this to be achieved. There are health and safety implications and timing issues which must be addressed. Please speak to the Funeral Director and they will ensure everyone concerned is made aware of your specific wishes. There are very few cemetery staff who will be allowed to honour this wish if they have not been notified beforehand.
Funeral Directors are the best people to guide you through this painful process and they are also committed to supporting you throughout and some will be there for you after the funeral. Funeral Directors I have met are desperately driven to offering families advice on how to receive grief and bereavement support after the funeral. Funeral Directors are some of the nicest people I have ever met. I am based in North/East Herts, if you need a recommendation please contact me. There are a number of Funeral Directors I would be more than confident to recommend - their professionalism and respect is second to none and their commitment to families in grief is superlative.
If you live in and around the Herts/Essex area and have chosen a cremation for your loved one but are not certain which Chapel to use, please email me. Crematorium Chapels and their staff vary enormously. I am more than confident to recommend one Crematorium and its Chapel in particular - it is second to none and the care for you and your loved one, incomparable. They are committed to resourcing any piece of music you especially want - however their existing library is vast. The team of men and women work there with a mission for excellence. They have compassion, care and integrity and nothing is too much trouble. I couldn't speak more highly of them.
We are also committed to giving this kind of support and are always here via the contact page should you need an ear. We could also help with poems or readings if you are looking for something special and unique. We are first and foremost, Christians. However, getting a funeral as you want it is too important to only focus on our faith; we also have to focus on yours. It only takes a little time on our part so please do contact us. The internet can be a marvellous tool for such times.
Please contact us if you feel it could be of help to you. I am sure you will appreciate we are only available to officiate over a funeral service local to our areas through the Funeral Directors with whom we work, but it does not stop us being on the end of an email, wherever you are.
If you need a minister please speak to your Funeral Director. They will have a list of ministers they will be confident to recommend, knowing they will care for you and your loved one's memory.