Bernadette Bereavement Support

Be gentle with yourself. It's so important that you don't expect too much from yourself. Give yourself a break - and permission to be disorganised for a while. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.

Care for yourself physically. Lack of sleep and nourishment may mean that you're more prone to infections and illness, so eating little and often and getting rest if at all possible are both important.

Take exercise. If possible do some form of exercise, even if it's only a gentle walk.

Deal with your feelings. Write down all the feelings that are in your head, especially before going to bed, as this may help you to sleep better. Sharing the pain with other members of the family can be helpful, but they too may have their own pain and may not want to hear your story repeatedly. A good friend who's not so emotionally involved may be prepared to listen but should this be difficult then please contact us or any other support group local to you. Your GP may help here. 

Recall happy memories. Remembering all your cherished memories with the person who died is painful but extremely healing. Look at all your photographs, why not make a memory book or create a new photo album as keeping meaningful mementoes may help.

Don't rush to dispose of clothing. Rushing to get rid of your loved one's clothes and possessions, even if you're persuaded by friends to do this, isn't necessarily helpful and can sometimes create a sense of regret later on, so please do not attempt this until you are absolutely ready. You may want to keep something yourself later on - and in the early days - this might be too painful to consider. Also think of everyone - keepsakes may well help others to heal.

Take things slowly. Making big changes (although they may seem the best thing now) should be delayed for a while untilyou are thinking more clearly. You've suffered a huge loss and it will take a while to readjust within many aspects of your life.

Unfortunately, there's no definitive answer because each of us is different. Recovery time may take months, a few years or even longer. Our friends may think we should've 'got over it' by six months, but this is usually an unrealistic expectation. A severe physical wound takes time to heal, and so it is with bereavement. However, the acute pain you feel in the beginning will lessen and life will gradually seem less bleak and meaningless.

Sometimes, it may be hard to allow grief to come to the surface, which can prolong your pain. The following may hinder the healing process:

Remembering anniversaries